grace upon grace

The old has gone, the new has come

2010-05-23T05:06:00.001-07:00

Out with old, in with the new.

Goodbye Blogger, hello Wordpress! =)

katherinepark.wordpress.com

Boop

2010-05-18T09:03:00.000-07:00

Jesus, teach me how!!!

*
I feel like a prickly cactus tree.

Living Outside Our Shells

2010-04-19T10:12:00.000-07:00

I think that when we lose all hope, when we feel like we having nothing to give because we're so deep in our misery, we like to resort back into our shells. We hide in the dark. It's our protection from the hurt and the person who has caused us pain. We believe the "light" will expose and burn us more, when in fact, it's the thing that can save us. Turtles hide in their shells. Clown fish swim into the protection of the sea anemones. Humans becomes hermits in whatever way they know how. But what if we come out and let go? What if we stopped being so scared and learned how to be less defensive? What if we actually learned how to love the thing that has hurt us? What if we learn how to love our enemies?

In the movie "How to Train a Dragon", a Viking boy learns how to love a dragon, and vice versa. They go against all odds to accept one another. Two completely different species, human and dragon, begin to develop trust through small acts of faith. They begin to let go of what they've been taught and begin to learn the truth that lies beneath the differences and assumptions. In the end, their relationship is a testament of what it means (for me) to come out of the dark and live in the light. For me, living in the light means putting down barriers and stepping outside one's shell of protection. For the viking boy, he sacrifices his weapons, the beliefs of his father and all of Viking history. For the dragon, he sacrifices his familiar methods of relating to these Vikings who know nothing but to kill every dragon in sight. You learn how their fears blinded them from knowing the truth- it blinded them from experiencing Love and Life. And I think that's what I took away from the film. To learn how to love is to know how to let go and take a risk. It's coming out of one's shell of darkness by putting down the walls. Only then can the light come in. You learn that loving a person comes at a cost of getting hurt, enduring pain, experiencing heartache, and facing disappointment. It's really a courageous act. Both the dragon and Viking boy sacrifice what they know, and what they gain is the greatest reward of Love. You see that they just want to be accepted for who they are.:P They are both living in the dark when they first meet, but when they practice small acts of faith, hope, and love, they unearth each other's truth and they are able to stand by what they believe in. They need each other, and Love brings them together. That's what the light did for them- it exposed, healed, redeemed, and saved. By the end of the film, you see how this Love changes history. (I don't want to ruin the movie for you hehe).

To come outside our shells and the darkness means to truly confront what lies within ourselves- our walls, our false sense of security, and our defenses. It's to let go of ourselves and take small acts of faith to discover who He truly is. We are broken people, but more and more I realize how God wants us to put down our walls so He can come and shine light. To come outside of our shells is saying, less of me God and more of You. More of Your light, Your countenance, and Your beauty in the darkest places of my life.

2010-04-19T09:51:00.001-07:00

Jesus, I love you so much!!!!

2010-04-16T15:53:00.000-07:00

God is not interested in being liked.
He's interested in being loved.

He Rose

2010-03-31T22:54:00.001-07:00

Because You rose, I know.
You can calm the waves
Rebuke the winds that toss the chaff
Protect me from chasing winds
which do not profit my soul.

Because You rose, I know.
Every tree needs roots that run deep
Seeds need to be planted in fertile soil
And good fruits are ones to be shared.

Because You rose, I know.
I am redeemed
And a prisoner who is bounded
by nothing but grace upon grace.

Because You rose, I know.
I am undeserving
but you call me worthy
I am empty
but You came to give me life
And life to the full.

Sin, where is your power?
Death, where is your sting?
Enemy, where is your victory?

He rose
He rose
He rose

2010-03-20T09:49:00.000-07:00

Am I not living IN you?

2010-03-04T10:27:00.001-08:00

God has been inspiring me to write poetry!
Here goes another.

:)

*****

Even if if I spill the can of paint on the canvas
color outside the lines
mix red and green to make purple
or black and white to make blue
To Him, it's still picture perfect.

How do you paint a relationship
of faith, hope, and love?
If only there were rules to this art!
How easy would it be
to pick the right colors,
color inside the lines, and
find the perfect shades and hues
for a picture perfect painting?

But there are no rules, only Love.

Now, as I lift my brush to the easel
I see a Master Artist standing behind me
Guiding me to the colors
teaching me the strokes
to painting this picture called Love.

Only when I allow Him will
red and blue make purple,
black and white make gray.
Only then will the colors make sense,
and I will begin to see
what picture perfect is meant to be.

2010-02-28T16:31:00.000-08:00

No More

No more tossing to and fro
No more yes's and no's
No more stepping stones that lead to death
No more the insanity of uncertainty
No more of Me, God
My worst enemy.

Back to the Father's heart I go
Back to the safest place I know
Back to the shadow of Your wings of all authority
Back to the living Word that became Flesh
Back to the First glance
First touch
First love that gave me breath.

No more moving with the wind
No more here
No more there
No more running everywhere
From the miry clay I came
To the Potter's Hand I'll go
I commit all my days to to You
I will follow
wherever You go.

I'm too naive to know what's at stake
But You've given me too much to taste
I know it'll be worth it all-
mind
body
soul.
So come live in me Jesus
for all of my days
There's no turning back now
to my childish ways.

Awaken me from my foolishness
Breathe life into this barren heart
Cover me in Your richness, God
And I will never ever part.

Only steadiness
Only black or white.
Only on solid rocks will I stand
through truth from the Living Word,
Only You, Jesus
Only You, Father
Only the promise of the Holy Spirit
forever and ever more.

Amen

2010-02-26T01:04:00.000-08:00

2010-02-23T09:53:00.000-08:00

2010-02-18T09:18:00.001-08:00

The way to God is always through the wilderness.

Peace in Death

2010-02-17T00:19:00.000-08:00

( I took this at work hehe)

All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the PEACEFUL fruit of righteousness.
-Hebrews 12:11

Nobody wants to suffer. As much as I like to think I've suffered a great deal, I realized that the I have yet to suffer the persecution and heartache that comes with taking up the cross daily. I'm not trying to sound masochistic, but really, we are a generation that does not want to suffer. We're greedy for the fruit without the labor. We like to hear about Christ's death, but not die to ourselves. I don't like to suffer! But if I truly want God to increase in my life, I realize that it's a COMPLETE denial of myself that only comes through death. When you choose Christ, death is no longer an option but an absolute must. It's the only way that He can come live in you.

I feel like God is training me to find peace in the suffering that comes when walking through a dark valley of death. I really don't want to be like the Israelites who moaned and grumbled in the desert, but just shut up (haha) because I TRUST in God's promise to lead me into the land of Canaan. Because despite all their complaints and doubts, God still provided the Israelites with water, manna, meat, etc. In spite of their unbelief and hopelessness, God still faithfully brought them into the land of milk and honey. So why exacerbate the suffering through our pointless complaints when God promises us victory? I want to know a discipline that comes from a deeper understanding of the Father's love for me. I pray that I would suffer, and suffer productively. That I would stop exalting myself and feel like I even have the right to complain, but find peace because I know He is a God who never leaves, even in the storm.

14May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which[a] the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.
-Galatians 6:14

Psalm 63

2010-02-13T09:34:00.000-08:00

O God, you are my God,
       earnestly I seek you;
       my soul thirsts for you,
       my body longs for you,
       in a dry and weary land
       where there is no water.

Psalm 63

This verse has been on my heart the past two days.
I feel like I'm entering a wilderness season where God will wean me of the most precious things in my life. Not because He wants to punish me, but because He wants to give me something GREATER in every aspect of my life- my family, friendships, youth group, ministry. Whatever it is, I know that He takes away only to bless us with even more. And what is that more? It's HIM. I want to be able to cry out like David when he's in the Desert of Judah. There in the desert he was alone, removed, separated from every comfort and friend. There he suffered thirst, hunger, loneliness, and exhaustion. He had many needs, but His only desire was to have God closer to His heart. He wanted God! I can't imagine being miserable in a desert and crying out for God. Who do I cry out for when I'm miserable? What do I cling to when I feel like I have nothing? Like David, I pray that my hunger and thirst will be met by God alone. I pray that He takes away all that is not part of His vision for me so that I can enter His tabernacle and have GREATER encounters with Him. I pray that my desire for Him will be so deep that everything else I seek will unsatisfy.

Random Post on Watermelons

2010-02-12T10:42:00.000-08:00

In the end, it's not about me.

It's not about my love.
It's not about my joy.
It's not about my peace.
It's not about my patience.
It's not about my kindness.
It's not about my goodness.
It's not about my faithfulness.
It's not about my gentleness.
It's not about my self-control.

We live in the fruit of the Spirit so that we SHARE it. Imagine going the market and picking out a watermelon--smelling it, checking for its ripeness, and carrying that heavy watermelon to your car. You cut it open and its the BEST watermelon you've ever seen and tasted in your life. Wouldn't you want to share it with your friends? Or would you just cut it up and reserve a little for yourself each day? Haha, just imagine cutting up slices of watermelon, bringing it to a table on a hot summer day where your friends are sitting, and then eating it all by yourself. I would want a slice of that juicy watermelon!

Maybe that was a horrible analogy HAHA, but what I'm trying to say is...

We're a BODY. We need to minister to each other and stand together. We need to love God not only because we want to love ourselves, but so that we can share that heart-wrenching, life-transforming, joy of the Spirit love with others! We desire God because we hope that receiving Him will also compel us to share that love with those HARDEST to share it with. For many of us, those very people are in our family. For others, it might be someone in our apartment, our best friend, our co-workers. Whoever it is, we should love them! Why? Because He did the same for us. We are His enemies, but still, He chose to love us. We receive His love because we are so undeserving. So who are we to say that someone else is not worthy of love? Bless others with that love! Yes, the world will tell you that this is irrational and unreasonable. But why trust in the what the world has to offer? Can the world love you back? Love the world and you will be dissatisfied. But trust in the love of Jesus- his meekness, humility, and grace- and you are promised eternal life of richness and joy.

Jesus said that we would do greater works than Him. Not that we would heal more than Jesus, cast out more demons than Jesus haha, but that we would bring more people to His grace through the promise of the Holy Spirit. That's why Jesus was a great leader...because He left something behind that would lead people to the grace of the Father. Jesus didn't live for himself- he lived for us and for generations and generations to come. There is POWER in His love. He died so that we would gain.
Let's not be scared to love, but see our enemies through the eyes of God. And if we can see them through the eyes of God, then we won't hesitate to share our heart with them. God's living water is never ending and if you are drinking from His cup there will always be an overflow to give!!

So, lets share our slices of watermelon haha. And we are human so naturally it is very difficult for us to give in this way. BUT let this be a challenge to love your enemies for the sake of the Body! For Him who will come to judge the Church in the final days. And simply because Jesus did it for us, and continues to do so everyday. Lets share that mercy and empower others with that love.

"...but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." John 4:14

"But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, 25so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 26If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it." 1 Cor. 12:24-26

Prayer

2010-01-20T10:41:00.001-08:00

"We need to find God, and God cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature--trees and flowers and grass--grow in silence. See the stars, the moon, and the sun, how they move in silence. The more we receive in silent prayer, the more we can give in our active life."

Daisy

2010-01-15T09:05:00.000-08:00

Daisy, give yourself away
Lookup at the rain
The beautiful display
Of power and surrender
Giving us today
And she gives herself away

Rain, another rainy day
Comes up from the ocean
Give herself away
She comes down easy
On rich and dead the same
And she gives herself away

Let it go
Daisy, Let it go
Open up your fist
This fallen world
Doesn’t hold your interest
It doesn’t hold your soul
Daisy, let it go

Pain, give yourself a name
Call yourself contrition
Avarice of blame
Giving isn’t easy
Neither is the rain
When she gives herself away

Daisy, why another day?
Why another sunrise
Who will take the blame
For all redemptive motion
And every rainy day
When he gives himself away

Let it go
Daisy, let it go
Open up your fist
This fallen world
It doesn’t hold your interest
It doesn’t hold your soul
Daisy, let it go

Switchfoot- Daisy

Cheap Grace

2010-01-14T07:51:00.000-08:00

“Grace without price; grace without cost! The essence of grace, we suppose, is that the account has been paid in advance; and, because it has been paid, everything can be had for nothing. Cheap grace is the grace we bestow on ourselves. Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, Communion without confession…. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.”

Friend

2010-01-13T12:47:00.000-08:00

"What is a friend? I will tell you. It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can be naked with him. He seems to ask of you to put on nothing, only to be what you are."

Hmm...

The Great Symphony called Fall

2009-11-01T08:02:00.001-08:00

I wish we could experience a real Fall season in California. There's an inexplicable beauty to the leaves as they fall off a tree in the process of decay; the vibrant hues of red, green, yellow, and orange not only paint colorful scenery but also reminds us that another season of Winter is slowly approaching. Currently, Fall shows me how beautiful eager and willing submission can look like in the natural. Mother Nature beckons these trees and they willfully surrender to each change and step. They fully trust in the Orchestrator who perfectly leads them into a new song. They trust in the Artist whose vision and creativity results in their perfect shades and shadowing. The trees simply know that if they miss one step, the whole process will fail... Maybe that's why trees live so long. Their internal clock is in tune with a God who knows the secrets to their longevity. Look at the trees! Their roots run deep, and so must ours.

This entry reminds of the Justin Rizzo's song titled.....Tree. hahah

Anyway, I hope this entry doesn't sound too much like a Transcendentalist. :P God is the Artist, Conductor, Orchestrator, Creator of every good and perfect gift in this world. Praise God! =)

John 15:1-5
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

OH.
Another reason I like Fall is PUMPKIN CHEESECAKE!

What a year...

2009-08-08T10:11:00.001-07:00

One year ago, I was in Berkeley taking an Organic Chemistry course and immersing myself in the Berkeley culture. I loved Berkeley- the tree-sitters, the yogis, the random guitarists on the street, the homeless people, the sages, the theorists, Farmers market galore, etc. I was passionate about Berkeley and convinced that everything was beautifully crafted by God in this small-city for me to marvel in His beauty.

Yet after I left, I quickly forgot everything that I adamantly "loved" during my three months at Berkeley. My passion for everything Berkeley dissipated and as the weeks progressed into Fall quarter of my Junior year, I no longer had these passions that were so deeply ingrained in me. I was a LOST girl, wandering aimlessly; I wanted more faith and I longed to experience more of God's presence in my life. Of course, the change was happening, I was just unaware of it because I was concentrating on what wasn't happening. Anyway, it was at that moment, where I was falling deep into the familiar pit of hopelessness that God touched my heart so powerfully that I would never want to retreat to that same pit again.

And I never did (but it came at a cost). Yet, despite my bouts of doubts and insecurities, I had to trust in the unseen and believe that He knew things that I did not know in order for me to move forward and persevere. And always, He has brought me the finer wine and revealed to me (in His perfect time) what He knew that I did not. In retrospect, Berkeley wasn't three months of meaningless self-discovery. Throughout the year, God has shown me how my experiences felt at Berkeley-the loneliness, "independence", the desire to be "unique", etc. all have spiritual roots that need to be re-rooted in His truth. Loneliness? Jesus, your Spirit walks with us daily. Independence? Our dependence on You brings us freedom. Uniqueness? Why God, when you knew us before you created us? There is a reason for every season and even my Berkeley season was a blessing because it led to me the One & only thing that is necessary. Yes yes, God is good.

So, I wanted to share a letter I wrote to myself in Berkeley that was sent to me a year later. The letter consists mostly of prayers that I jotted down as motivation for the new school year, but a year later, it serves as a testimony of God's faithfulness and redemptive plan in my journey. =)

Warning: I'm quite dramatic and sappy. Bear with me.

Pastme@futureme.org

The following is an e-mail from the past, composed on Tuesday, August 12, 2008, and sent via FutureMe.org
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear FutureMe,

I'm writing a letter to you because changes need to happen, not tomorrow or next week, but now. Did you enjoy Summer 2008 Kathy? Remember that significant summer, Kathy? Was the summer life changing or was it just another summer......What experiences did you gain from Berkeley?How are you doing a year later? After changing your major and finishing your third year, have you done all that you can to pursue what you want to do with your life? Have you given 100% in your academics and extracurriculars to confidently say, "I've done my best." Most importantly.... have you given it to God?

Sacrifices, faith, dedication, hard work, seeing the bigger picture....
all of these are essential in order to fulfill not my dreams but what God has in store for me. Actions speak louder than words.
I pray that when you read this letter Kathy the change you desire is more than you expected. I pray that you have learned more than you could've imagined.
I hope that when you read this letter you will smile
and say "I love who I am. I love how God made me."
I hope that you've experienced more of God's grace and that
you have opened to your eyes to a bigger world.
I hope you are done comparing your life to others.
I hope that you've developed the work ethic and dedication to succeed.
I pray, Kathy, you know God past the superficial level. That you hunger for Him on a daily basis and that you've asked Him to heal the broken pieces in your life. I pray that you've reconciled with your Mom....
If nothing has changed.... if things have gotten worse.
Pray! Ask God for another chance and see that tomorrow is a new day with different opportunities. Don't underestimate yourself and have confidence in what you do.
Love your family and God. Trust in Him.

pursue Love.

new friendships.

********************************************************
Without Him, this letter would be nothing but frivolous idealism. But with Him, my hopes become realities. I used "hope" so many times in the letter because I am quite hopeful (some might even say foolishly hopeful). Yet, how can I not trust in this hope when my LIFE has been transformed and these very prayers have been answered? I've reconciled with my mom, I love my family, the change I desire is WAY more that I expected, many broken pieces have been mended, I've experienced more of God's grace through new friendships and by pursuing His love, I am more confident of who I am in Him. Of course, this is just the beginning- it will take an eternity to understand the depths of many of these things, but I trust in His faithfulness to take me there when He so desires. So, I pray that whoever feels like their prayers are going unanswered continues to wait on Him. As your heart starts to change through His love, He will also begin to touch every area of your life. God is good. =)

"For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it."
Romans 8:24